There are those who sit in the judgement seat all their days. Those who are judged harbour resentment, envy and hate because the judgement was right and they resent any examination of themselves or they cannot accept the judgement of them. When we are burned with the truth we hug the judgement with hate but there are many of us who embrace truth with love. We disregard the who, the manner and the cause of the judgement because of the truth it brings. Choosing righteousness and good is never easy. It feels like a lonely road anyone because we feel separated from others who do not see it our way but we are all striving for good. We differ on what good is. We listen to the Voice of God -our Conscience inside. The Creator is gloriously good. He made us ripening fruits. Once we let go of the negative thoughts and emotions we harbour for each other, despite the pain it brought us, we receive happiness and joy. It is hard receiving negativity but we begin to feel numb to it. We wait for the others to grow beyond their hurt and pain. Love is what grows.
Two emotions rule us -love and fear. Out of fear we perpetuate hate which breeds war. Nothing good has come from turning our faces away from the desperately poor and homeless. Working nine to five to purchase a house, car and gain acceptance in our social brackets leave us bitter and unhappy. We wake up and our loved ones are dead or alienated from us. We chase affection and thrust ourselves into lust and never experience love. All our efforts to attain anything are vain. Without our Creator this world is a cold, miserable and unhappy place.
Love is the giving of self. The haves are unable to understand why the have nots give from nothing and are so happy doing it. One loaf and some fishes can feed a multitude because the Creator will keep multiplying our generosities. We are in times that require the have nots to go into the communities and give from nothing. We must answer the call.
Lighting candles in the dark house and falling asleep to its glow was what I had been dreaming of all week. I did not expect Troy to be there with me. What I asked the Creator for was a ride to our house when Troy called saying he wanted to go home. I took the ride. The moon was full and I felt inspired the Creator was pushing us together, not only that, He was giving us the green light to enjoy one of the blessings of our union.
The house was a little less scary than last week when I tried to sleep there by myself but got scared and left. This time the only shadows moving danced with the flames of the candles and were pleasant to watch and fall asleep to. We got there at night and I did not feel to string up a curtain. Since no curtains were at the windows to block the outside viewing us and us viewing it, I gazed at the moonlight which whitened the already white trunks of the pimento trees. Against the black night the pimento trees were like beams of light on a black canvas. The thick darkness contrasting the ghostly white pimento trees was thrilling. My anticipation grew waiting to see if either shadow or light would move. I am not suppose to be afraid -the Creator is in everything seen and unseen. When death came for me; it held no pain. But because death came for me on more than one occasions, the spirits follow me as if by hanging around the Omega will come for them.
Troy nailed the door shut and placed a pail behind it. The nails offered no security and the wooden boards could be easily pried open. He was taking a risk but not I. My belief system is different. Every adversity can be overcome with the Voice.
Besides the occasional cars driving on the street below the hill, the sounds belonged to crickets and other creatures of the night. No artificial light could be seen for miles away. Only a few homes have been erected on what looks like a hundred acres of lush green vegetation.
Inside, the grey concrete walls offered no entertainment. Other than the flicker of candles on its pale surface, we had no visual stimulation other than ourselves. I kept glancing outside at the moonlight. It felt as if I was in open space and not in doors because the moon shone so bright despite the cloud cover. Again, but for God, the house would not exist and neither would us. All the harm to me began just as we were ready to build. A house cannot keep either of us, so I abandoned it and him and ran for my life but the Creator inspired Troy to build. The Creator being a good God kept everything I ran from safe for me when I was destined to lose everything. He knows whatever happened to me cannot stop me; only become my stepping stone. He decides what I deserve. Even when I am scraping the ground, I am soaring high. Without money, man, job, car and house, I am always soaring. The Creator is my wings.
And so, I climbed through the window at 3 a.m. -when Troy was sleeping- went down the road into the middle of darkness to try and record the lightening storm. A white goat frightened me. It was the only thing moving in the dark. It is as if only two shades -light and dark- exist at night and either may materialize into a fear of mine.
To get to the streetlight I had to walk an acre in moonlight. From there, I watched the lightening until the circle of light appeared but the dogs from the house near the street light began ceaselessly barking. Because of their persistence, I became nervous and decided to head up the hill to my house. When I got close to the bedroom window to climb through I heard, “Woman!”
It was male’s voice coming from the thick dark between the ghostly pimento trees but nothing moved.
“Woman! Woman!” the voice said again.
I hastily climbed through the window, hurriedly laid down on Troy and watched through the window to see who was calling me. I saw nothing and no one. Immediately I woke Troy and told him but as usual, he dismissed it and fell back asleep.
The last time he disregard the voices I heard calling me and the men who were fixating on me, hell broke loose. If it is a man, he was bold enough to call me and if it was a spirit, it was also calling me into the dark. Why was he there? How does this affect my faith because I do not want a repeat of what happened to me but I cannot let fear stop me walking at night or travelling in lonely places. I also should not fear because I have no reason to fear. The Creator created all life -seen and unseen. He is my shield.
The voice cannot belong to a good man nor a good spirit. Why would he not come into the light? If it belonged to an apparition, even worse because invisible they are pure crosses if they fixate on a person. I fell asleep gazing into the dark woods and when I woke up at sunrise, the day was beautiful.