Look But Do Not Touch

Yesterday I was helping someone tidy up their house. She is incapable of doing it for herself because she has had stroke more than once and she is also diabetic and hypertensive. I notice that our people lack knowledge of nutrition. People assume that they get nutrients from processed foods (box juice, bag juice, tin food, anything man-made) but eating processed foods cause debilitating diseases like hypertension and diabetes. Anything in the supermarket that is not vegetables and fruits that is continuously consumed in the diet will cause from obesity to the common flu, because the body is robbed of enzymes only found in natural foods which provide it with the nutrients to defend itself.

What grieved me about yesterday was that the medications on her chest of drawers have been expired for the past two years and yet someone is feeding them to her. She cannot see anymore. If you understand diabetes, you know that being injected with expired medicating will kill you. She is slowly dying and she knows. She was crying the whole time because she feels abandoned by her children. Her history proves the kind person she is. Had it not been for her, my mother tells me, I would have died. After my mother had me, she suffered post natal depression. This woman left Kingston and came to St. Ann to take care of me of her own volition and for no compensation. The number of people who will step forward for her at heaven’s gate will include me and the years of patients she has served at Kingston Public hospital. Now, the father is making step forward for her -His golden angel on Earth.

As I left her home, I heard a male voice shout me. he wanted me to stop. I shouted “Another time” and glanced at him. He was standing with his friend. They looked like boys to me. I purchased something from the shop and made my way out and they followed. The one who expressed his interest by grabbing me and trying to prevent me leaving, said he was twenty-one and I should come with him to go have sex. This happens to me a lot. The other day a man tried to force me into his car. I find that the men around me are aggressive. I was raped just a few meters from my community. So, for me, I do not know what to do. I find that if I am aggressive in response to their aggression, they get more aggressive and if I do not respond to their aggression, they are still aggressive with me. My government has ignored this problem of male aggression towards women and children. My experience having almost been killed is that when faced with a more aggressive entity, we are capable of being still; so why is it, we bully what we assume is weaker. I remember the questions my rapist asked me. He wanted to know who I knew that would reprise me. And it is not just him. Suits mean nothing to me. Positions mean nothing. I am physically attacked by men from all walks of life.

Cuba is 90 miles away and I hear that men cannot touch women in the streets and get away with it. I hear that if I lived there I could leave my house at midnight and take any public transportation I want and reach alive. Here, it would be said, it was my fault I was killed because why did I leave my yard at all. Getting home at dark is scary because I do not drive anymore and when I did men were still trying to break into my house. The men around me are not kind in their behaviors and mannerism to women. They think kindness is money. And when I speak out, I hear I am negative and anti-men but I just want to walk in peace and live in peace. I am not leaving my shores. Re-socialize our men to look but do not touch. Permission must be given to touch.

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